pearljoness

“This one guy in New Haven, right? City’s burning. People are dying left and right, yada yada yada. This jackhole rushes me with a spoon. A freaking SPOON! And I’m dying laughing, right? So I scoop out his stupid little eyeballs with it, and his kids are all ‘WAAAAA’ and he can’t see where he’s going, he’s bumping into stuff and I - anyway, I don’t know, maybe you had to be there. The moral is: you’re a total bitch.”